JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
