someone get that fucking seahorse.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
