Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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