So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
