I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
