You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
