asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
