I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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