I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
