I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
