Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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