nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
