It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
