Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
