Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
