i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
