Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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