I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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