Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
