Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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