I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
