It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My balls are so social today.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
