I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
where are you?
Hypothermia
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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