honey bunches of taint.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
