Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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