Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
