A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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