Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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