Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
