Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
