One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
