It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
