you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
