An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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