just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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