I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
