4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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