I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
