he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can't trust your balls anymore.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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