I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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