Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
