Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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