She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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