So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
