why didn't you poke me back
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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