It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
