Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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