there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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