i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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