He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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